Personal Demons
by mascaret
Summary: A boggart can be a very personal, very frightening thing, but there are worse kinds of demons. (Though it may take a chapter or two for that statement to become relevant.)
1. Default Chapter

A/N As always thank you Maria.  
  
Twins.  
  
He hadn't been expecting that. Not that he minded, but then he wasn't the one to ask. He had not been the one to endure the discomfort of labor for twice as long as a single birth would have required.  
  
Cradling one of the infants, he watched their sleeping mother. In her slumber, her expression was again that of a carefree young girl. Temporarily, it was unmarred by the worry and sadness that had plagued her these past few months, nor by the pain that had served to usher these two miracles into the world.  
  
The young mother began to stir, waking despite her exhaustion. Poppy managed to tear her gaze away from the infant she was holding just long enough to check on her patient.  
  
Seeing those dark chocolate eyes open and the face again assume a look of sadness, Albus patted her hand reassuringly. "I'm so proud of you. Poppy tells me you were such a brave young lady."  
  
Her dark chocolate eyes were cast downward. "They are still here? I thought..."  
  
Albus nodded. "I wanted to talk to you again myself. I needed to be sure that you were certain of your decision. If you aren't, it isn't too late to change your mind."  
  
She shook her head. "I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, except my father. Other than the trip here, ever since I started...showing, I haven't left the house. I was too embarrassed. I told all of my friends that I was spending the summer away on holiday. This way, no one ever needs to know."  
  
Albus tried to look understanding. "No doubt, this is an awkward situation for you. I would like to tell you that what matters most is what we think about ourselves, not what others think about us. However, though I have never been one myself, it is my understanding that as a young girl, things are not always so simplistic."  
  
"My father doesn't want me to keep the baby - babies. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me I was a disgrace to our family's name. If I wanted to keep the baby, he said I have to get married or else I would be on my own. I can't expect any help from him."  
  
"And the boy in question?"  
  
"I won't say who because I don't want to marry him. I mean, he is nice and all, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. It was just supposed to be...we didn't mean for this to happen."  
  
Everything she said to him, she stated so matter-of-factly. Albus still wasn't sure that this was what she wanted. It was such a difficult situation. "You don't have to do this if you do not want to. If you wish to keep your babies, we can find a way to make it work. I cannot promise things will not be difficult, but you are not without alternatives."  
  
Poppy was still hovering nearby. Eventually she intruded into the silence between them. "I know you said no before, dear, but are you sure you wouldn't like to hold one of the babies before they go?"  
  
Albus kept hold of the infant in his arms. It was Poppy who offered over the one she held. The girl just stared at the pink faced baby for a long time. It wasn't until Poppy finally gave up and began to pull away that she reached for her daughter.  
  
"I wish my mother was here."  
  
Her father was here. As planned, he had brought his daughter to the castle when her time had drawn close. He was still here, waiting to take his daughter home, though he was well aware it would be at least another day before Madam Pomfrey would release her. The girl's mother, however, had died some years ago.  
  
Her tears finally began to fall. One landed on the baby. Gently brushing it away, she went straight to the crux of the problem. "I didn't think I would be able to take care of one baby by myself, how could I ever manage with two?"  
  
Yet another worry suddenly occurred to her. "What if the couple you found doesn't want both? We didn't know that there would be two! We didn't tell them! What if they only want one? I don't want them to be separated."  
  
She was making herself needlessly upset. Albus sought to allay her concerns. "The couple I have found to adopt your baby have been wanting a baby for a very long time. They couldn't have one of their own. I can promise you, they will be delighted. To them, a second child would seem an extra blessing, something to help make up for all the years without."  
  
"Tell me about them, the people who want my babies."  
  
Albus took a moment to judge how much he could tell her to calm her fears without giving away the identity of the couple.  
  
"They are good people. Not perfect in everyway, they have flaws, but they try very hard. They have been married for twenty years. Very happily married, very much in love with one another, yet for the last fifteen years, they have felt that there was something missing.  
  
They have a lovely home, but it seems overly large with just two people. There isn't anyone to track mud inside or leave smudged fingerprints everywhere. Their house is full of expensive, very important, very fragile things because they have no one to go about breaking them by playing Quidditch inside the house despite being repeatedly told not to. And they would very much like to have someone to do all those things.  
  
They already have the nursery ready. It has been waiting, empty, for a very long time now. They both work, but the woman plans to take a leave of absence until the children are old enough to go to school. They aren't outrageously wealthy or anything, but they are more than well enough off to afford to do that."  
  
She smiled. It was only a very slight smile, but it was something. She looked down at the baby in her arms again. "It sounds like she – they will be very happy there. I think I'm ready now."  
  
Before accepting the still sleeping baby from her, Albus leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. "Thank you, Miss Patil."  
  
Now cradling two infants, Albus set off for his office where a port key was awaiting them. As he was exiting the Hospital Wing, he heard Mr. Patil calling out to him.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore, I wanted to thank you for all that you've done for –"  
  
Very reluctantly, Albus turned. Patil's words trailed off as he noticed Albus' remarkable burden. Seeing not one, but two swaddlings, he wondered aloud. "Twins?"  
  
Albus held the bundles closer as he nodded.  
  
"I – I had no idea." Patil edged closer to try to see something more than blanket. "They look so tiny. It's been so long, I had forgotten how small newborns are."  
  
Seeing the look in Patil's eyes, Albus wanted very much to whisk his bundles away. "You need not thank me, Mr. Patil. We must be going now. The parents are waiting."  
  
"Just a moment more, please. Can I hold one? Just for a moment?"  
  
Albus wanted to say no, but it was already too late; Patil had his hands out. Even before the other man spoke, just seeing the look in his eyes as he ran a finger along his sleeping granddaughter's cheek, Albus knew he was too late.  
  
"We really need to be going."  
  
"Merlin's beard, what an arse I've been! What is the point in trying to save family honor if you have to part with family to do it?"  
  
Still holding the baby, Patil headed into the Hospital Wing. It took Albus a few minutes to bring himself to take the other baby back inside.  
  
"Oh honey, we can do whatever you want. You don't have to give up the babies. Now if this is what you want, then that's fine, but you don't have to do this."  
  
The baby that Albus was holding woke. She didn't cry and her eyes remained closed, but she wrapped her little fist round one of his fingers.  
  
Miss Patil looked to him. "What about those people? I mean, I already promised them and you said they have been waiting so long..."  
  
It took a long time for him to look away from the baby and respond to Miss Patil's question. "It is very thoughtful of you to think of them, but now is a time to think about yourself and your girls."  
  
Miss Patil began to cry again. "I want to keep them. I do want to keep them."  
  
Albus nodded and after one last look, he handed the infant in his arms to her mother. That done, he exited quietly, leaving the newly expanded Patil family to the time and privacy they needed. 


	2. Chapter 2

Personal Demons

This wasn't the first time it had happened. No, it was far from the first time. It had almost become something of a tradition.

Albus had been at Hogwarts for a very long time and seen it happen many times. The circumstances were always slightly different, but countless were the number of young ladies who had found themselves in a predicament similar to Miss Patil's. Nightly patrols through the grounds and gardens, wards to prevent boys from entering the girl's dormitories, even sealing the Astronomy Tower from use except during classes did nothing to deter young love, or even young lust. It was uncommon to have more than a year or two go by without the discovery by Madam Pomfrey that the flu-like symptoms exhibited by one of the girls had nothing whatsoever to do with the flu.

Though the potential consequences of the actions required for such an occurrence were well known, the news always seemed to come across as a revelation. Shock, denial, anger, and tears were all common and sometimes concurrent responses. And once the parents became involved, both sets when discernable, well shock, denial, anger and tears were again common responses. Insults and accusations were often tossed back and forth between the parents, with a more than healthy portion being directed at him as the Headmaster of the school. Still none of that changed the reality of the situation and after a time the inevitable had to be dealt with. More often than not, tempers and the situation were diffused with a hastily arranged wedding.

Other times, generally when not true love, but simply lust had earlier ruled the day, the young lady in question would sometimes refuse to name the other responsible party for fear of that very fate.

Their society was still in many ways an old fashion one. A child out of wedlock was seen by certain people as a blemish not only on the honor of the young lady in question, but the line that produced the girl. To some of the more established families- and Hogwarts as the most prestigious Wizarding school in all of Europe certainly had more than its share of the older families- family honor was everything. As such, some of those families if unsuccessful in pressuring the girl to reveal the identity of the child's father early enough in their pregnancy, often redoubled their efforts into pressuring the girl to not keep the child. Given the drastic lifestyle change presented by the idea of caring for an infant as opposed to her former carefree school days, many a girl was more than happy to agree – at least while everything was still in abstract.

A child unwanted...a couple unable, but quite desperate to have a child…when the idea had first come to him, it has seemed so perfect, so simple. If only it had been.

As adamant as people were in the beginning…when that baby became a reality, almost invariably closed minds became a bit more open. As had happened with Mr. Patil, the sight of that new life could warm all but the coldest of hearts. And even those too hardened for that managed a more calculated change of mind. Their kind were so few now. Not but a dying breed. Wizarding blood had a value that went beyond sentiment. It was far too precious to simply be given away.

Slipping into the house that was far too big for just two people and without any effort never looked anything less than neat and tidy, Albus was somewhat surprised to not find Minerva waiting for him. He hadn't told her about Miss Patil's condition, nor had he mentioned where he was going that morning, but he had no illusions that he had been successful in keeping the information from her.

After making his way up the staircase, on his way to the bedroom he shared with his wife of twenty years, Albus passed the closed door of Minerva's study. What he had told Miss Patil earlier hadn't been entirely true; there was no nursery ready and waiting.

There had been one once. Some fifteen years earlier, in preparation for the first disappointment of a family changing their mind at the last minute, Minerva had taken the care to decorate and refurnish one of the spare bedrooms. She had replaced the guest bed with a crib and changing table. She had added both a rocking chair and a rocking horse. A chest of drawers filled with an assortment of the tiniest clothing imaginable had also been in the room. Little baby ducks had adorned all four walls and though there was no rain, they were charmed to hold umbrellas and with their webbed feet they made the most impressive splashes in the puddles.

A few years ago, a few days after yet another disappointment, he had come home to discover it all gone. As Minerva had evenly explained to him, there was no point in keeping a room that wasn't ever going to be put to use. So in place of the nursery, they now had separate studies.

Yet Minerva could never be found in hers; she still used the one that they had always shared.

So no, there really wasn't a nursery now, but if things had worked out differently today, he found it incredibly unlikely that Minerva would have offered any opposition to the loss of her study.

Slipping into their bedroom, he found her on the ottoman. It was evening now, but still quite early. It was unusual to find her resting. Noticing the hot water bottle she held to her abdomen, Albus realized the problem; she must have begun her monthly menstruation today. Uncomfortable cramps, mild compared to those today experienced by Miss Patil, always accompanied the onset of her menstruation.

Her pain was to him a monthly reminder that it was him, and him alone, causing all of their problems. It was not until they had already been married five years - during two of which, while they had not necessarily been trying to conceive, they hadn't been making any efforts to prevent it - that he had come to know that an illness from his youth had left him unable to father children.

Minerva's eyes were closed and he thought her asleep. He caressed her cheek with his hand, but not wanting to wake her, kept his touch light. "I'm sorry, Minerva." Again he whispered. "I'm so sorry for everything."

His belief that she was asleep proved incorrect.

"I wish you wouldn't keep doing this, Albus. It's just one disappointment after another, after another. Can't you be happy with the way we are?"

"No."

The truth was that he couldn't. He knew she wanted a child, he wanted more than anything else in the world to give her that child, and yet he couldn't. Her next question, it was as if she were the legilmens, not him.

"Do you think it makes me love you any less, Albus?" She spoke with such conviction. "_It doesn't!_ Would you love me any less if it was my body that was the one failing to cooperate? _We are happy together!" _After a moment of silence, she asked less certainly. "Aren't we?"

No, if the fault in their inability to conceive had rested with her, he could never love her any less. But that was a completely different situation. The fault wasn't hers, it was his and his alone.

"Minerva, you know that I love you and I would do anything to make you happy."

"Then stop this foolishness, Albus. I don't want either of us to keep getting our hopes up trying to adopt when we both know it will never happen. Let's just be content with each other. We do have children. All of the children of Hogwarts, they _are_ our children. _Let that be enough_."

Minerva was sitting up now. Albus sat beside her, taking her hands in his. Stroking his thumbs over the back of her hands, he remained silent, trying to find the best way to phrase his next suggestion.

"Minerva, I love you and I want you to have everything that you have ever wanted, _even if_ I cannot be the one to give it to you."

Seeing her confused expression, Albus rephrased his suggestion.

"Minerva, _you and I_ cannot have children, but that doesn't mean that _you_ can't."

He could see the alarm rising in her expression. "Albus, we've gone through this before; I don't want a divorce."

Albus shook his head. "No, that isn't what I was trying to suggest."

After another pause, he tried again. "I spoke to my brother, Aberforth, today...he would be willing to help us."

"Albus, you aren't making any sense!" He had to admit, she looked quite perplexed. "Help us what?"

"Help us…to have a child."

The confusion left and a look beyond horrified overtook her face. "You _cannot_ possibly be suggesting what I think you are suggesting!"

"Minerva, just think about it. Aberforth and I, we have the same hair and eye color, the same countenance. Only the three of us would ever need know. The child would still be a Dumbledore, he or she –"

Growing quite angry, she extricated her hand from his. "That is all a wonderful plan, except for one small flaw. _I am not some barnyard animal_ –"

"Minerva, really, that only happened that one time. I don't know why the papers made such a fuss about –" As she kept talking, he realized that was not what she was referring to, and he trailed off.

"-_that you can whore out to your brother!"_

"That was incredibly inconsiderate of me, I apologize."

At his last words, her anger ebbed briefly, but with his next words, it returned tenfold. "You could take a lover. Surely there is someone that you can think of, someone you would be attracted to -"

It was only when one of the hands she had so recently extricated from his own rose and slapped him across the face, that he realized how very crass his words had been.

"Do you really think so little of our marriage vows? That you think that I could ever do something like that?"

As her anger turned to tears, he enveloped her in his arms. He wanted to tell her it wouldn't really be breaking their vows because he would know about it, he was the one asking her to do it. But, for once, he had sense enough not to speak his mind.

"I'm sorry, Minerva. Forgive me, I shouldn't have asked that of you."

With tears not just in her eyes, she beseeched him. "Can't you be happy with just the two of us?"

No, he couldn't, because he knew she wasn't really happy with just the two of them. But of course that wasn't what he said to her as he held her. "I am happy with you, Minerva. I am."


End file.
